The Surrogacy Support Journal

My Thanksgiving List

2011-11-24T04:04:57Z

My Thanksgiving List

1. My Lord. He continues to inspire me to be the best I can be and to see the best in others.

2. My husband. He loves me unconditionally and never gave up on "us". . . even when I did.

3. My children. I am so privileged to live in a home full of so much acceptance, love and laughter.

4. My job. It is not a slight thing to watch people realize their dream of being parents on a daily basis. I work with and for an amazing group of people whom I adore.

5. Matt and Brett. I have grown so much and learned so much about myself because of them.

6. My car. Because its paid for. ;-)

7. My freedom. The cost was great and continues to be paid for by complete strangers who care enough about the future of our country to protect it with their lives.

8. My home. It is lovely, safe, cozy, warm....simply perfect.

9. Many, many more things, but those are the most profound.

♥♥♥

2011-11-20T21:04:18Z

I am Christian and I have friends/family who are gay.

2011-11-15T17:48:39Z

I am Christian and I have friends/family who are gay. And guess what? I love and respect them.

I have been struggling lately with the knowledge of how the Church hurts and offends the gay community. I had a discussion with a few of my gay friends recently, which provoked this blog. Today's post is not about homosexuality. It's not about Christians. It's not about religion. It's not about politics. It's about something else altogether. Something greater. Something simpler.

-It's about love.

-It's about kindness.

-It's about friendship

"God hates fags." We've all seen the signs being waved high in the air by members of the Westboro Baptist church. Almost every person of nearly every religion has no problem loathing and condemning the Westboro Baptist Church and its members, and perhaps with reason. They take freedom of speech far beyond what our founding fathers intended when they fought to give us that right, and they laugh at the rest of the world while they do.

But today I don't want to talk about those idiots.

I've heard the hate. I've heard the disgust. I've heard the disdain. I've heard the gossip. I've heard the distrust. I've heard the anger. I've heard it all, and I've heard it tucked and disguised neatly beneath a wrapper of self-righteousness and a blanket of "caring" or "religious" words. I've heard it more times than I care to number.

About gay people.

About people who dress differently.

About people who act differently.

About fat people.

About people with drug addictions.

About people who smoke.

About people with addictions to alcohol.

About people with eating disorders.

About people who fall away from their faiths.

About people who aren't members of the dominant local religion.

I've heard it, and I've heard it over, and over, and over again.

Shamefully, I'll admit, I hear it around my own family's dinner table from time to time. Usually said so passively, so sneakily, and so "righteously." I'm not super religious, but I occasionally attend Church and believe in Christ. I'm also not gay. I've looked for what I believe truth to be. For years I studied, trying to find "the truth". Every major religion had good selling points. Every major religion, if I rewound far enough, had some pretty incredible base teachings from some pretty incredible individuals.

Jesus taught a couple of interesting things. First, "love one another." Second, "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her."

Buddha taught a couple of thought-provoking things. First, "Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule." Second, "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."

The greatest spiritual leaders in history have all preached love for others as the basis for all happiness, and never did they accompany such mandates with a list of unlovable actions or deeds. They never said, love everybody except for the gays. Love everybody except for the homeless. Love everybody except for the drug users. Love everybody except for the gang members, or those covered in ink, or the spouse abusers. They didn't tell us it was okay to love everybody with the exception of the "trailer trash," those living in poverty, or the illegal immigrants.

In truth, having a religion doesn't make a person love or not love others. It doesn't make a person accept or not accept others. It doesn't make a person befriend or not befriend others. Likewise, being without a religion doesn't make somebody do or be any of that either. What makes somebody love, accept, and befriend their fellow man is letting go of a need to be better than others.

I'm not here to say homosexuality is a sin or isn't a sin. To be honest, I don't care. I'm not here to debate whether or not it's natural or genetic. Again, I don't care. Those debates hold no encumbrance for me.

What I DO care about is the need so many of us have to shun and loathe others. The need so many of us have to feel better or superior to others. The need some of us have to declare ourselves right and "perfect" all the damn time.

All it really is... All any of it really is... is bullying.

Sneaky, hurtful, duplicitous, bullying.

And, I am tired of it. I simply choose love.

London! =)

2011-10-31T03:59:54Z

I am leaving for London in 36 hours. I can't wait to see Sebastian. J This will be the first time I have had an extended period of time to spend with him in a year. From what I hear the terrible twos have set in like a storm. I find it hard to believe that the sweet boy could ever be anything but perfect...then again, I may be a bit biased.

While I am there, we will be attempting to achieve a pregnancy. The guys are thrilled with the prospect of being parents again and I am thrilled to be the one to help them achieve their dream. I am a lucky girl....and I know it.

Send us positive vibes J

My journey as an egg donor..

2011-10-23T19:33:07Z

I have been thinking a lot about the families I was an egg donor for. Between 2002-2005, I completed four anonymous donations for four different families. At the time, exchanging any information was strictly forbidden. I did however receive a lovely letter and heart shaped necklace from my first IM after my donation. She signed the note with the letter 'T'. After my last donation, my IF sent me flowers to the clinic.

I suppose at the time, I never really questioned if they had any desire to know me. I just assumed they had no desire to have me involved in their lives. Now that I have worked in the field of IVF and surrogacy, I have come to realize that is most likely not the case at all.

I wonder what their children look like. I wonder if they are a boy or girl. I suppose they are in 3-4^th grade now. I would never infringe on their privacy or their life. However, there is a part of me that hopes they think about me too. I am open and hopeful that someday I will be able to actually meet them.

Part of what has really stirred my heart around my donations is my friend A. A and I went to highschool together. After years of struggling to conceive, she is now finally expecting a little girl. She was able to conceive with the help of an egg donor.

A told me about a few sites that reunite anonymous donors with their recipient couples. Last night, I registered with the sites. Now, all I do is wait and hope that someday those families reach out to me. It's okay if they don't. I am content just knowing I helped them. With that being said, it would really cool to finally meet the people whose life changed as a result of my donations.

Look who came over for dinner? =)

2011-10-12T02:58:22Z

I have been thinking a lot about our journey and the winding path that it has taken us.

We have experienced failed IVF cycles and many more things that have challenged us as friends. We have also experienced the highest of highs. Looking back, there is soooo much more joy than I ever anticipated feeling when I began this journey in 2008. I can honestly say I am so glad that though the trials, tears and triumphs; we are still standing!!

Brett is here and we are preparing for our sibling attempt! We are feeling guarded but optimistic. Sadly, Matthew and Seb stayed home this trip. Hopefully they will all be joining us in 20 weeks or so. J

Brett did take some time out for a little fun with the kids! I swear, my guys and baby Sebastian are like celebrities around here. J

Maps and Cuteness. ♥

2011-09-20T03:49:53Z

So, the little man has a new project! The guys are teaching him how to say each state and where it is located on the US map!! It is so precious!! I think he is really plotting a trip to DisneyWorld. :)

I ordered him a huge floor puzzle of the USA. I hope he likes it!! Love him!! He is going to be a GREAT big brother!

Big Boy enjoying the beach. ♥♥ Did I mention I love him?

2011-06-28T05:00:38Z

Mother's Day ♥

2011-05-07T13:40:43Z

Mother's day is tomorrow, so naturally I am reflecting on not only what it means to be a mother to my children, but what joy it is to be a surrogate mother.

My visit with Sebastian was wonderful! I was only able to spend a small amount of time with him, but I consider those moments to be so very precious. He is now a young man. I'm not sure where those precious days of his infancy have gone to...Having said that, I sure do enjoy watching him grow. He is his very own distinct character, full of smiles and love.

You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and why his parents will always wave back.
-William D. Tammeus

Sebastian at Christmas...

2010-12-25T02:17:16Z

Oh, how I appreciate the handsome, charming, and oh-so-smart little boy Sebastian is growing into. I've never been so distressed and proud at the same time. There are days I just stare in awe at him and think to myself how did we all get so lucky? It still amazes me to think I created life; and then to see that little person I created turn into who he is now and to think about who he will be...it's beyond words. It is honestly so fulfilling as a surrogate mother. He changed my life.

Merry Christmas and Happy birthday, little buddy! We love you!

My List..

2010-11-28T04:42:20Z

I am thankful for Christ, who continues to believe in me.
For my children, whom I adore.
For my boss John, who pays me to do a job I would do for free.
For my brothers, who simply makes me proud.
For my country, and all of our true American heroes.
For my few true friends who have never let me down.
For my health.
For our home.

Hear me Roarrrr!! :)

2010-11-08T18:51:37Z

Birthday Surprise!!

2010-09-06T03:34:25Z

I had a very special surprise for my birthday this year! Brett flew Sebastian to Colorado so we can spend the day together!! ♥♥

My children, Brett, Sebastian, and I will be taking a trip to Santa Fe, New Mexico to celebrate the occasion!!

SO excited!!

"Count your life by smiles, not tears.
Count your age by friends, not years."

Sweet Summer..

2010-07-19T18:14:24Z

It is now summer and we are busy, busy, busy!

The kids are doing great! They are enjoying their days at the pool and exploring the Rocky Mountains. Little Sebastian just took his first holiday to Cornwall, England. It seems as though none of us have a worry in the world. ♥

"Be like the flower, turn your face to the sun." - Kahlil Gibran

15 things...

2010-06-02T04:14:07Z

Seb is growing as fast as he can. He is rolling, eating solids and melting hearts all over England (and a few in the US...)

Father's Day is fast approaching....so I thought I'd take time to list the things I love about Matt and Brett:

1. Their nonjudgmental personality.

2. The way they adore Sebastian.

3. The way they adore my other children.

4. Their generosity.

5. They believe in me.

6. They believe in my children.

7. They kept their promises.

8. They cater to Sebastian and I have never worried about his well-being.

9. They talk to me about the future and their dreams for Sebastian.

10. They always tell me I'm beautiful.

11. They actually care enough to ask my opinion.

12. I am a better person because of them.

13. I know they'll always answer when I call....even if it's in the middle of dinner or a Rugby match.

14. They taught me how to love unconditionally.

15. They are the best fathers I have ever known.